A Broken Biological Father’s Story

I am the birth father of a now 19 year old girl, her name is Tavia.

I was 17 (her mom was 17 also) when she was born and I wanted to be in her life, well the birth mom did not let me. I wanted to get married and support my daughter.

I lived 19 years of hell, wondering if she was okay or if she was sick, was she well behaved, did she look like me or her mother.

After a year of living near her and only sawing her twice, I joined the Air Force and stayed in Italy for four years. Living life without her was horrible, for the first four years I could not even say her name without crying.

The birth mom got married and her husband adopted my daughter while I was living in Italy and had no clue of the adoption, I was broken when I found out.

Tavia’s birthday is in the beginning of March and I was in Massachusetts to attend a wedding and I knocked on her door on Saturday 3/29/03. I have not seen or spoken to her for over 18 years and every emotion a human could ever have was going though me.

I knocked on the door and her dad answered the door (they never told her about me).
He was shocked to see me.

I ask to see her and he said she was not home then I asked to see the birth mother and he said she was not home either. He told me to leave and they did not want me to be there, so I slowly left again a broken man.

All my old wounds were now open and did not know what to do. Tavia’s parents sat down that night and talked about telling her the truth well, they decided to tell her. The next morning they sat her down and told her I was her biological father.

I wondered what when on in her mind, did she hate me, was she curious about me, I don’t know.
I wondered if she would be upset for not being told sooner, I don’t want there to be any problems or distrust in that home, they did what they felt was best for her.

Well, five days later on 4/4/03 I got a call from her mom, she told me that Tavia now knew about me and did not want anything to do with me. Ouch - My heart was cut in half... I felt empty and all alone…

I asked to speak with her and surprisingly she got on the phone, WOW!!! I now have spoken to my daughter for the first time in over 18 years. It’s a lot for any person to handle, she must have been so confused. We spoke for about 20 minutes and I did most of the talking. I know her heart was heavy. She loves her dad and he as been good to her which I am thankful for. I have a void that will never be filled. I wonder about her childhood and wonder what I was doing the very moment she took her first steps.I wonder what she looks like and what her personality is like, is she quite or is she full of fun and energy.

Today 4/14/03 I wonder if she will ever want to see me. Every time my phone rings I jump and hope that it is her wanting to talk or see me. I live in Texas and she lives in Massachusetts but I would be there in a heartbeat if she wanted to see me. I have been married for 12 years and my wife and I adopted a new born girl, her name is Hope. She knows her birth mother and her four siblings, as a matter of fact two of her older sisters slept over my house the other night and they had a blast.

We have been open with Hope since day one, we even bought a book called “Why was I adopted” (a Great book for little kids) to teach her that she is special. Well, I’ve said a lot but there is so much more to tell, I guess I am trying to vent because the last couple of weeks have been very stressful for me. I am thankful to God for His hand in this situation. Tavia’s mother did not have to tell her but she did. I am so thankful to her and her husband for telling her who I am.
I would have told Tavia but it would have not been the best thing for Tavia.

I try to type my feelings but I cant, I have too my deep wounds to open and don’t know how to express what I feel. Tavia has been a part of my life from conception and she still is. I love Tavia with all of my heart and would love to have a relationship with her. I made a few attempts to contact the family but no one would allow me to see her, so I guess I stayed out of the picture so I would not confuse her. She was too young and too fragile. I know God will give me the desires of my heart, and I will meet her soon.

God only knows what is going though her mind, so Please pray for Tavia, she must be confused and hurt.

God is good, he will keep her in the palm of His hand.

From a Broken Hearted Biological Father

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