A Dream Come True!

Her arms were full with three beautiful boys, but oh, how she longed for a little girl!

When my husband and I married, we eagerly started our family, anticipating a full household of boys and girls. Our first son arrived, and we were so thrilled! He was such a little companion and so much fun! Son number two arrived, and Dad, Mom and "the boys" sounded so wonderful! I had wanted a daughter from the beginning, but who could be anything but happy with two little boys? I still wanted my daughter though! When our second son was only 9 months old, surprise! I was pregnant again. Since I was very careful about birth control, and was still breast-feeding, I was in shock! I call him my compassion lesson. With so many forms of birth control out there, I hadn't had much patience with women who had unplanned pregnancies, and now, here I was in just such a situation.

This pregnancy was not pleasant. Although I loved the baby, I was really discouraged about the timing. I just hoped that this baby would be my daughter! Fifty pounds later and three weeks overdue; my little Michael was born. Of course, once he was in my arms I wouldn't have changed a thing, and I loved him dearly.

I know that it would seem that I should be so grateful for three happy, healthy little boys. And, I was. I would look into their eyes, and think to myself " I can't possibly love this little person more than I do right now!" trying to just savor, and hold each moment. I know that for those of you still waiting with empty arms, you might not have sympathy for the longing I still had for a daughter. After all, my arms were full. It was something that even a lot of people close to me didn't even understand. All I can say, is it was just part of me, to need to share my life with a daughter of my own. Even still, I was so thankful for my boys! We were busy with little league, basketball, soccer, and just life! But, still.... there was this part of my heart that was longing for a daughter. A little girl to share my life with.

Dresses and ruffles... dollies and posies... the mysteries of her womanhood as she grows... that first crush...the hopes and dreams of what she will become...the joy of goals accomplished... all the parts of her life that mirror the rippling rings in my own life in a way that my sons couldn't mirror. Years went on... little treasures were saved in a closet. A little pink cotton dress with old fashioned smocking across the front, a little white sweater with pearl buttons and little embroidered roses, sweet little girl things. Sometimes used as gifts, and sometimes just held with tears in my eyes. I looked into agencies, and since we weren't infertile they were not interested in us. But somehow, I knew in my heart that she was out there, somewhere, waiting for us. I could just see her perched on her Daddy's shoulders, his hair knotted in her little fists, and I could almost feel her in my arms!

I had heard somewhere that networking among friends was the way to go for private adoptions, so I became a broken record, telling everyone at every opportunity that we wanted to adopt. I read the boys the book by Robert Kraus, Another Mouse To Feed, and wrote to them in the inside, "Let's keep checking our doorstep, okay? "

That was in 1989. At times, I had horrible guilt, wondering what I was doing to my boys with this incessant search for a little girl. Would I make them think I didn't love them as much as if they had been girls? Would they feel less than good enough? I would try occasionally to put it out of my mind when I felt too guilty, but the feeling that she was out there would always come back. Occasionally I would pray for her, and her birth mother, and pray that God would hurry up and answer this prayer in my time, not his!

More years went by, and after the boys were all in school, I took a part time job. We lived in a small town, and a co-worker and his wife lived down the street from us. Now and then I would see this friend walking a baby stroller and curious about the situation, I tried to remind myself to ask him about it when I saw him at work.

One day I was at the store buying a bunch of ribbons, lace, and netting to make a niece a ballerina tutu, and along came this friend with a baby in the shopping cart. I dropped my checkbook and raced over to see the baby. He had a young woman with him who he introduced as his niece and the mother of the baby. Well, I looked into that baby's big blue round eyes and my heart jumped! I don't really remember much, except that 98-percentile head with those big blue eyes! A couple of days later, I saw my friend at a coffee break and we got to talk. It was a conversation that changed my life!

His niece had been staying with he, his wife and their two girls, for four months, and it hadn't been easy for any of them. There were other things going on in the family and everyone was stressed. His niece was not ready for motherhood but loved her baby dearly and had done her best to keep her safe and well-cared for. In her heart though, she had felt from the beginning that she would not be the one to raise this baby. We talked about the situation, and I asked him what he would think about us taking care of the baby for her, for a couple of weeks, months or forever! He said he would talk to her about it and that he thought it might be a good idea.

I literally flew home, ran in the door and yelled to my husband, "I think I found our little girl!" He took me into his arms and with tears in his eyes, he prayed and committed the situation to the Lord, asking only for God's will to be done. We invited their whole family to come over with the baby and her mother. And waited, holding our breath ...praying.

Finally, a few days later, they called! They came over and we all sat and visited and watched the baby play. She was 8 months old, and adorable! They had talked already together about our offer, and it was decided that we would take care of the baby, whose name was Jordan, while her birthmother looked for work in another town and tried to get her feet on the ground.

The next day our birthmother brought us our daughter. Such a small sentence to carry such an important deed. When she was ready to leave, she started to cry. I brought her back and asked her if I could pray with her. I prayed for her to have peace and comfort. She said that she wanted the baby to know that she loved her. I told her that the baby knew that, and that I would tell her, too. It was so hard for her to leave, and my heart was torn watching the scene play out in slow motion. After she left, my husband and I looked at each other, and he said what we both knew: that this had not been a temporary good-bye. The next day, the birthmom came back to visit and bring a few clothes and things. She seemed much happier, and we laughed and played with the baby, and fed her out of the cases of baby food that my parents had rushed to the store to buy. She lay on the floor happily playing with the baby while I went about making brownies, trying not to be nervous! She left town a couple of days later, and as we had agreed, we got a lawyer and started the first of the adoption papers. We flew up to take the baby to see her birthmom a couple of weeks after that, and we both talked about our hopes and dreams for this precious little baby. We told the mom that we would love to adopt the baby, and that if that was her choice, that we wanted her to remain a part of our lives. She said that she had thought about adoption for her baby from the beginning, but the fear of never seeing her again was too much for her. We talked some and cried some, and went to get the first papers notarized before we dropped her at work and rushed back to catch our flight. That was the beginning of our relationship. Through the course of the adoption proceedings, our relationship went from one of being virtual strangers to a family-type relationship that drew us together for love of this little girl. It is a bond that was fueled by enormous trust in us and love for her baby on our birthmom's part and a heart full of love and anticipation on our part. It was a winning combination!

Over time, it has settled into a very comfortable, fulfilling relationship. I'll never forget the time I was on the phone with our birthmom and she related a conversation she'd had with a friend in which she referred to us as her aunt and uncle. I cried. Our birthmom came down to see us a couple of times to visit and we had a wonderful time. She seemed relieved to be able to be free to just love her baby, and completely trusting of us to be her parents. We celebrated Jordan's first birthday together and worked together to make her cake and party. When the day came to terminate her parental rights, our birthmom came to stay with us again. We drove her to court, and we were all laughing and giddy with excitement. I felt like I was on the way to the hospital to give birth!

The ride home, however, was like returning from a funeral. It was the funeral for the death of a dream---the dream of one mother raising her own child. We had a quiet, somber day, and just stayed around the house. After a while, I fixed us some lunch and we gave our birthmother a gold heart-shaped locket with a tiny picture of Jordan inside. I told her it was to symbolize that Jordan would be forever in her heart and that she would be in our hearts and thoughts forever, too. She came to visit a couple more times before the adoption was final, and each visit and each phone call brought us closer together. I can only guess at what a hard and sad decision it was for her to choose to allow us to be her baby's parents.

I am in awe when I look at this woman and how she has been so trusting and giving in allowing us the freedom to be Jordan's parents. She is so supportive and respectful of us whenever she comes to visit Jordan; it's almost as if we are a team. I guess in a way we are! I know that open adoption may not work for everyone, but I share our story in the hope that it may inspire a level of communication and openness where it will work. I know that God has blessed us with a miracle, both in our daughter, and in the way that he brought her to us.... We will always be amazed and thankful.

Oh! The little dresses and sweaters that had been in the gift closet for years? I came upon them again one day when Jordan was about a year old, and they fit her perfectly! And how does she get along with her big brothers? Well, they think that the sun rises and sets on her! I pity any future boy friends for the third degree they will have to go through!

The day of Jordan's adoption finalization finally arrived, and it was a day we will never forget. I don't think that courtroom ever saw such a circus! By this time, Jordan was 15 months old, and toddling around in her little pink dress and ruffles. After squirming in my arms the judge suggested that I let her walk around. Well, she did! She also lay down on the floor and rolled around, putting her feet up in the air to show her ruffled bottom!

We had so many family and friends there to share our joy---Jordan's biological uncle, my parents, cousins, brothers, friends from work, our pastor and his wife. My Dad, who can't let any occasion go by without commemorating it with a poem, wrote a precious one for Jordan. We had her big brothers, who were 10,12 and 15 at the time, present Jordan with a baby ring on a gold chain. My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't fasten the clasp! I thanked our friends and family for sharing the occasion with us, and asked them to keep a thought and a prayer for Jordan's birthmother in their hearts always. Then, it was final! At four-and-a-half-years-old, Jordan's stamp of approval on the whole situation came one day when her birthmom and I had just hung up from chatting on the phone. Jordan heaved a big sigh as she came through the kitchen, and announced to me, "Mommy? You and Tamara are the bestest Mommies ever!" I pray that things will always work out this well for us. I think they will.

For Jordan, May 18, 1995.

Who can fathom the depth of longing in the heart of a young mother,
who has three boys but needs a little girl?
"We have room for another."
Darla longed and ached and prayed with a heart full of love,
And Allen, bless his heart, agreed to pray too,
and trust God above.

Far away, a romance was kindled between a young lady and young man;
little did they know that their child
was to be a big part of God's plan.
They were not ready to establish a family and home,
and the noble young lady determined that she
could not raise her child alone.

Darla, she said, is there room in your heart,
to be a mother to my child?
I have loved your child since before she was born."
By faith Darla had gathered little girl things,
a few... then more and more,
Every morning she would look outside to see
if there was a basket by her door.
Then along came Jordan, beautiful dimples and eyes of blue,
Yes, darling Jordan this mother and father, this family,
has plenty of room for you!

Love, Grandpa

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