A Ray of Hope

I always hoped and prayed that someday the beautiful baby girl I loved so much would re-enter my world. It was a day that I both feared and longed for.

After months of soul-searching and counseling, I gave birth to *Tara* in February, 1983. *Tara* is her birth name. Angela is her given name by her adoptive parents. I was blessed to have the opportunity to have her 'room-in' with me for my two days of recovery. I don't know that I would recommend that to all birthmothers, but for me it was the right thing to do. I had a chance to pour out a lifetime of love for her before I let her go.

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While I was in the hospital, my adoption counselor encouraged me to write a letter to her. He suggested that this might ease some of the anxiety of separation. It would also be something that would enable her to 'open the door', if she chose to do so in the future. A ray of hope.

I wrote the letter. A combination of hello and goodbye filled with love and hope for a good life as well as a short explanation of why I felt that this was the right thing to do for both of us. I enclosed a necklace that my father had given me when I was a baby. Something tangible to symbolize my love for her. I hoped with all my heart that Angela's parents would share this gift with her when she was old enough to understand.

On a mid-December evening this past year, my mother called me at work to tell me that a young lady from Michigan had called and was trying to reach me. I asked her to give her my number at work. Later that evening, when the phone rang, my heart leaped a mile high when I discovered the voice on the other end of the phone was that of my now 'grown-up' baby girl!

We shared a 90 minute conversation filled with shaky questions, tears and laughter. She explained to me that when she had begun her search, she contacted Catholic Family Services; the agency I had used. As fate would have it, she spoke with the same counselor that had managed my case so many years before! He sent her a questionnaire and some forms to fill out. After he received them, he released the information in my file to her. She told me that after she read everything, she took some time to contemplate her motivation, but when she decided to start her search it only took her 3 days to locate me!

She told me that her parents had always been very open about the fact that she was adopted and that it made her "twice as special, twice as loved." They had told her about the letter I had written and she chose to read it on her 16th birthday. She told me about the necklace and how much it meant to her. I was so relieved and so overjoyed to know that she had had a good life and a loving home with obviously wonderful parents. What a blessing!

We exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses and are in constant contact with one another. She expressed an interest in visiting me in Oklahoma. The timing couldn't have been better! My other daughter, Megan, had just given birth to her own daughter; so she would have an opportunity to meet her 1/2 sister, her new niece and her biological grandmother, too. All in the same visit! We made arrangements for her to visit during her Christmas break.

Throughout our phone conversations and mailings, she also asked me questions about her birthfather. I hadn't been in contact with him in years. When I located him and told him about *Tara*/Angela and her pending visit, he expressed great interest in being included as well.

As the holidays came and went, our anticipation grew. Finally, 'The Day' was here...I took my daughter Megan with me to the airport. As we drove along the winding access road, we discussed the typical questions. What if she gets here and decides she doesn't like us? What if this is all too overwhelming for her?...for us? Then we spotted her. Tall and beautiful, waiting by the door at the baggage claim. I pulled the car up to the curb. As I stepped out onto the sidewalk, she stepped forward. In that first instant, with that first hug, all the fears were washed away. All questions moot.

This was my baby that I had loved and cherished for so long. What a gift! We spent the following week getting to know each other as family. Birthmother, birthfather, grandmother, sister and niece. As well as getting to know us, she also learned that through her birthfather she also got 5 more siblings... 3 half-sisters and 2 half-brothers!

She brought along the scrapbook her foster family had made for her before her final adoption, and pictures of her whole life. News clippings and report cards, her adoption announcement and her graduation memorabilia. Family pictures of her adoptive mom, dad, brother and her best friends. Everything.

We shared many stories, a few tears and lots of laughs and love. The day she left to return home was filled with many mixed emotions. We both felt as if there hadn't been nearly enough time, yet we knew there was so much more to look forward to! Since our visit, we have been in constant contact with each other and she is planning another trip during her Spring break. Megan has also asked her to be Godmother to her baby.

I can't find the words to express the deep emotions that we've all encountered throughout this experience. All I know is that I wouldn't trade it for all the gold in the universe. It is my wish that all adoptees and their families would be blessed with the same happiness as has been mine/ours.

Best of luck with all your endeavors!

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