Adoptive Mother’s Story

Hi, I am 38 years old, and because my husband and I couldn't have children, we adopted two beautiful children, siblings, 4 years ago. Our family was perfect ,so we thought.

Our son at the time of adoption, was only 3, and would not get too close to us, ever. We tried holding, cuddling, etc. but nothing worked. He was very distant, violent, threatening, and very unmanageable.

The agency didn't tell us about his mental health issues, and they knew he had them. It took us 4 years to figure out that he had Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Fetal Alcohol Effects, and Mood Disorders. By the time we educated ourselves and recognized what was going on, it was too late. Our son was raging in our home everyday and had tried to kill his little sister twice in front of me. This started many trips to the ER and to psyche hospitals. Two in one month.

We live in an area where resources are not found. The state we live in doesn't have specialized treatment centers for children with mental health issues.

Knowing that our son couldn't live in our home, because of his violence towards his sister, we did not pick him up at discharge time at the psyche hospital. We feared our son. This started many problems with the Family Independent Agency and an Indian Child Welfare agency. They were trying to lay blame on me, and were accusing me of everything. After 8 months had past, our son was in foster care and was getting no services and they were ignoring diagnosed reports on him, that were crusial.

As of last Friday, the judge terminated our rights, because we could not bring him back home for fear he would kill someone. So, now we have lost our son forever.

This adoption was the most important thing that ever happened in our lives. We fell in love with these children at first sight. Now, because of an agency that didn't tell the truth, we have lost our son. Our little girl is doing okay, and it will take a long time to get over this, if we ever do.

I was just wondering if any of you have been through this, and would like to talk.

I am not here to bash adoptions, we are so thankful for our kids, and we know now that all adoptions don't work out.

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