An Adoption Angel

Days after my baby boy's birth and relinquishment in an open adoption, I found myself feeling desperate and alone. I felt like no one else in the world understood the mixture of emotions I was going trough. My adoption was done as act of love for my baby's adopted mother, not out of despair in a hopeless situation.

I was so happy that someone who became like a sister to me, had a new baby. But I still felt a sense of post partum grief. I could talk to people who loved me all day long, but they did not understand the emptiness in my heart. And then God sent me an angel named Lani.

About 3 or 4 days after relinquishment, I was on the Internet looking for advice on how to deal with my blend of emotions I. I responded to an "Is anyone out there?" post on adoption.com written by a birthmother who relinquished her baby just days before mine was born. God knew our hearts were heavy and he planned this meeting. We began corresponding via email. The coincidences were amazing. Lani lived in the next state and in the same city as my Grandmother. Her baby was born on my birthday. We both already had four-year-old boys. My baby's name was the same as the name of her baby's adopted Dad. Emails turned into phone calls and phone calls turned into visits. In the beginning, all we talked about was the adoption. She understood what I was feeling before I even uttered a word. As the wounds of our baby's births faded, our friendship grew. I got up in the middle of the night to go see her as she passed through my town on the way to her daughter's baptism. She was there holding my hand during my Grandmother's last days. She will even be a bridesmaid in my upcoming wedding.

God knew we each needed someone who was going through the same thing. We have cried tears of sadness together when we were having a rough time as wells as cried tears of joy when we got calls from the adoptive mothers telling us that our babies had rolled over or smiled for the first time. Sometimes I don't know how I would have gotten through the bad days without Lani.

I have grown so much as a person since the birth of my baby. God spoke to me and taught me so many life lessons on my journey. And now I truly do believe angels exist on earth.

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