Be Alert, But Don't Give Up!

Aloha..

Be "certain" prior to searching for a child, or an adoptive child, "exactly what" you "expect" to find, & have you really given enough "deep within you 'real truth'" as to whether or not you really want a reunion.

I was adopted with my adoptive father escorting my (married) biomother to the hospital in 1948. Yes, first, my adoptive parents requested I "await their death" to do any search for my biological parents. My adoptive father passed away in January of 1966, my Senior year of high school, my first true loss of any family, as everyone seems to always have the same thought..."oh, that could never happen in my family". Life is a true GIFT, we are "on loan" to enjoy family, friends, etc. Please do not abuse the health you have been given. YES, IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOUR FAMILY... there are lives taken each & every day, every moment.

My adoptive mother told me I was "adopted" one night following an argument with my supposed "adopted father". I ask her about my older brother, she stated "yes, he too is adopted, however you must NEVER EVER SAY A WORD that you know, & even after my afather's death, NEVER, say anything to my abrother, as he was never to know, she was ashamed she could not give birth. Nor could they afford to "legally adopt", therefore, we both were bought, & paid for.

My adoptive mother passed away from second hand smoke lung cancer in 1995. I took nursing prior to leaving the mainland....I left & returned to take her to Stanford Medical Center, unfortunately, I was too late, her appointment was on March 1, she passed away in the wee hours of April 12th at home. My abrother's children, not knowing he, too, was adopted threatened me each time I attempted to visit my mother on the mainland...a couple of times even beating me up, then when I turned them in to the police department, it just made for a "BIG MESS", each time I returned, so yes, guess I do feel I was "cheated" to spend much time with her. Upon my return to the islands, I arranged for her to have 'hospice' in her county to provide a nurse & a hospital bed, by contacting my own counties' hospice here in the islands. Her hospital bed was put in the living room, at the bay window in which she could look outside. Unfortunately, she passed away within 4 weeks. I could not afford to provide both the blanket of flowers for her casket, & attend her funeral, (only to be critisized, & harassed by my abrothers' children).

Dad passed away January 1966. I had dated my high school sweetheart of 3 years, who was extremely close to my ?father. My fiance' I found one afternoon sitting alone with my ?father in waiting for funeral. During this time, my fiance' received his "draft notice" to train in San Diego, & later fight in the Vietnam War. Knowing how close we were, my adoptive mother (under the circumstances) gave me permission to marry him, so we were married shortly after Dad's death. I saw him off to boot camp, attended his graduation in the military two months later, graduated from high school in June, & met my husband for R & R in Honolulu for 3 days - 3 "wonderful days". When I saw him off, little did I know it would be the last time I would see him alive: he stepped on a landmine in Vietnam which killed him.

It took me close to 6 weeks to get his body back to the mainland for burial, in which no one was allowed to actually "view" to be certain it truly was "him"!! In the duration of time I awaited his body, I found out I had become pregnant with his child. Give it away, everyone tried to persuade me to give the child up for adoption...too many years together, too many memories, there was no way I would adopt. We, (his parents & I) buried him in late August of '66.

I remarried one his (what I understood to be) "best buddies" in November of 1966, & gave birth to my deceased husband's son the first week of March, 1967. Shortly after marrying the 2nd husband, he began to beat me. For 5 years, I awakened each morning staring down the barrel of a fully loaded .44 magnum pistol. (I had given birth to this husband's child, a son, in 1971). Finally one morning, I awakened to him holding the gun (loaded) straight at me, I'd "truly HAD IT BY THEN", (as I had just discovered, he beat my older son when I was at work, labor & delivery at the hospital.. prior to finding out he was beating my oldest son in my absence). He said he had a disability with his back, so I was the "breadmaker", sometimes working double plus shifts, just so I didn't have to go home.

Still staring at the pistol pointed at me that morning, I said, "you know, (name), please go ahead & pull the trigger, as my life isn't worth living like this any way". He said, "if I can't have you, no one will", turning the gun around hitting me on my head with the butt. I was bleeding & barely alert; when I came to, I was in the hospital I worked at with 14 stitches in my head, a concussion, & total mental trauma. The pediatricians I worked with would not allow him on my floor of the hospital, & I was being closely watched, in case he got in. Close to 10 days later, one of the ped's I worked with actually brought a judge to my hospital bed, only to tell me, "I've done a background search on your husband, & if you don't move at least a thousand miles away, HE INDEED "WILL KILL YOU""!!

When my amom came up that evening, in discussion with her, my oldest son wanted to stay with her, & the youngest was too young & frightened by his biofather, he was raised by his father. His father turned him against me by constantly telling him I had "ABANDONED HIM", I obviously had sold what was mine for a plane ticket to the islands to again "start over". I was aware of the fact that my ex-husband was frightened of water after a scuba diving accident, & had never flown, & was afraid to fly, so the islands seemed to be the place I was lead to find "peace" within myself!!

I did have a difficult time without my children, however, I would sneak back at some point during the holidays' to try to spend it with my amom & sons, as well as my oldest son spending each summer & spring vacation with me here...he did not want to live in the islands. He was quite athletic & stated he doubted the standard of competition in the islands.

My "adoptive family never understood, & held it against me, stating each time I attempted to visit my adoptive mother, "what are you doing here, you don't belong...YOU'RE ADOPTED, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE, SO JUST GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM." If I didn't leave within a day, one of them would show up & remind me to leave, knowing I would be beaten by my nieces. My adoptive mother was too ill to put her through the turmoil of "family"! So, I would say my aloha's to Mom & head back to the islands.

Unknowingly, my ex had turned my youngest so much against me that he ran from me. Every card, every gift I ever sent was "unopened: return to sender". Adding it all up = "major hurt"!! I lived & worked on one island for several years in the visitor industry, was offered a job on another island for two years to open a new helicopter company. Moving from the island I originally came to, the island the company wanted me to take up residence in was a nice area across from a famous surfing beach. Little did I know my photos of my sons on my wall, as well as my proudly framed "final divorce degree" were about to be swept to sea during a hurricane!

Again, I lost everything. I stayed on that island for two years from when I went & assisted in opening the helicopter company as well as helping in rebuilding the island. I left the helicopter company & was offered a job tending the bar for conventions at one of the major hotels.

I made a lateral transfer back to the island I'd originally come to work for, the same hotel company, making a decent living, & rebuilding. It was 11 years later, I remarried an old acquaintance I'd met prior to moving to the other island. I am so very thankful, he also is a Vietnam Veteran. I am truly blessed to have this man as my husband; we've been married since '84. He truly is a godsend, however, I don't think he really deeply understands the hardship of my adoption from my feelings within. He is wonderful to me. One night having dinner at a local restaurant, about a year ago, I told him, "you know, you've gone from 'passive to docile'!" He truly is the love of my life & salvation.

About a month after my adoptive mom's death, I received a telephone call from my sister-in-law stating that in going through all of Mom's belongings, they'd come across a genealogy book, stating that both my brother & I were adopted, she questioned me if it was true. I took a couple of deep breaths, & answered, "I really don't think I can answer that", she then stated that my silence & answer gave them the information they were inquiring about. I explained to her that I had assisted in updating the genealogy book in which they had, & further had found out in a "adoptive cousins'" statement telling me that my adoptive brothers' mother & older sister were deceased, therefore, I told my sister-in-law over the phone, there would be no reason for him to "search", as I had already found out of their demise. She stated that my adoptive mom would always be considered his only Mom! This conversation took place in spring of 1995, I've spoken to my adopted brother once over the telephone, I called him Thanksgiving Day, 2000. Just checking in to be sure everyone was well.

When my youngest son turned 18, he told his biological father what he thought of his "so-called mind games", argued with him, then contacted my adopted mom to see if he could live with her. Within 2 weeks, he was living with my husband & myself here on the island.

He found work here & eventually got his own apartment, with major apologies' to me for his childhood. I explained that was in the past, & we should leave it there. He is currently 30 years old, living 100 miles from his father. He, his wife, & his wife's son, (whom he adopted after they married, here on island) visit at least once per year, sometimes more. We're finally making up for lost time.

My oldest son, by my 1st husband,joined the Navy in 1985, when he turned 18, was assigned to a "destroyer ship" during the Persian Gulf War. I am quite thankful he is now out of the military, married & has a son 13 years old. He is an electrician now 33 years old, also living not far from his younger half-brother. I received a telephone call one day about 4 years ago, an electrical panel had blown up in his face, & he was in the "burn unit" at a bay area hospital. In speaking with the nurses'& doctors', they found he had minor, (which could lead to major) trauma to his heart, & they needed his health background.

Okay, so I was 48 years old, I realized I HAD TO FIND MY BIOLOGICAL MOM, at least, for his health. Going on what few clues I had, I found my biological mother living with my ?sister on the East Coast of the inland....WOW, going from hardly no family to a large family on the East coast; it's quite a transition. I visited them two months after finding them, & my ?sister visited my husband & myself in 1998.

My biomother lives with my ?sister & her husband; she also has rheumatoid arthritis, heart problems, and mild diabetes. My ?sister has two children both grown with children, she is 5 years older than I am. I was told to me that my "biological parents" simply could not afford to feed another when my biomom became pregnant with me, at that time they had moved to the West Coast, Los Angeles area, where they met my adoptive parents. Yes, by now you are wondering what is ?sister, we've discussed the situation, & my so-believed adoptive father just truly may be my biological father. My ?sister & I have agreed we will have a DNA test to find out whom was my biological father, after my Mom passes, or sooner without her knowing. They are truly loving & accepting of me, & my family. My biological mother & ?father, (deceased 1994) NEVER SPOKE A WORD OF ME...therefore, the family was a bit shocked 48 years later.

A person must be very cautious in the way they attempt to "introduce themselves" whether they are the adoptee or adoptive parent. It generally hurts a lot to know you are "NOT WANTED" with no explanation.

Since I've been searching for my bioparents' (before I found them), I've assisted two other adoptees' over the internet, by finding their biofamilies. A young woman attending college wrote me regarding finding her bioparents...I took some information, and within 2 weeks, I found her biomother teaching school in Istanbul, Turkey, a week later, I found her biological father living in Singapore. I counseled this young lady as to what I might find, what was she looking for, a permanent relationship, a bond, or what, I told her to really reach down inside her inner being, give it a lot of thought, then let me know...I'm happy to say she & her biological mother spend each summer together. "A SUCCESS STORY", Yea!

I had another young married lady, e-mail me from New York in search of her biological mother who supposedly was last known to be in Honolulu.The following week, I'd unfortunately found her biomother had passed away just 6 months prior, however, I also found one of her biological sisters' living right here on the same island I'm on, & another biological brother on the mainland US.

I know, I've been there, but one must really dig deep inside themselves to ask & test themselves if they can & are really ready for whatever I might find. I also recommend psychotherapy, or someone to talk to. Remember you will be dredging up old memories, perhaps allot of hurt, perhaps being rejected again. PLEASE THINKABOUT ALL THESE THINGS, & then be alert, you don't really want to bring more misery to yourself or your biological parents. BUT, THEN AGAIN....IT COULD BRING CLOSURE, AND/OR A LOT OF HAPPY TIMES AHEAD.

Time lost, memories can be made. I do these searches' at no cost, as we never know the outcome, & I just love to see people "happy" & live with possible future memories to last a lifetime. Should you decide to search, please e-mail me at: mauiplay@shaka.com, & I will do all I can for you. Remember, "I'VE BEEN THERE & BACK!! With all the mess our world is in, we must live for today, take one day at a time. I cannot always guarantee success, however, after being there myself, & being successful in the searches I have done, some take longer than others, depending on all information you can provide to me. Your information is "Top Secret", & never goes any further...you can see though my not mentioning any names, cities, except New York....it's "YOUR BUSINESS" no one else, I swear to secrecy.

Life is a gift, sometimes given to us when we least expect it, or can afford it, or many other reasons. Life is precious, just remember if you are alive & an adoptee, you have allot to be thankful for. Always keep in mind, money cannot "buy" happiness, nor health, & so very much more. Be strong, be positive, I've told you my story, & it has made me a much stronger person, actually a lot more happiness than you can even begin to image. I look forward to assisting anyone, but please don't waste time, that's part of the thought process we all must go through before we decide.

Much aloha & happiness to you all....never consider suicide, as you only hurt the people who truly love you, & that is not fair to them; it is a very selfish act. Someone really loves you bunches, life is beautiful, & learning more each day. Don't cheat the people in your life.

Please feel free to contact me at any time at the above e-mail address. Live the life you've been given, & make the most of every moment of every day, 5 minutes ago is now a memory.

***PLEASE BE VERY CAUTIOUS, THERE ARE MANY AGENCIES OUT THERE THAT WILL DRAIN YOU MOMENTARILY*** You are important, live life to it's fullest, & be happy. In this world we are constantly "tested" like my biography, never let anything or anyone get you down.

Love & be loved, as you know you are a very special person.

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