Forever Hopeful

I was a very young and immature girl in an abusive relationship. I gave birth to two wonderful, wonderful babies. Mathew was born on August 11th, 1985 and Brittanie was born on July 17, 1987. I soon found myself homeless with no way to take care of my children. My family wouldn't help me and, unfortunately, they didn't bat an eye (nor did the birth father) when I relinquished custody of my children in 1988.

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I have never, ever felt such deep anguish as I did when I said goodbye to them. I thought that feeling would eventually fade, but it never has. I prayed that a loving couple would adopt them and keep them together. My prayer was answered and a couple in Texas adopted Mathew AND Brittanie!

It's been so long, but there is not a day that passes that I don't think of them both. My heart still aches and I suppose it always will, but I did what was best for the children. 'Funny' thing, when I told a "Christian" friend of mine that I had placed the children for adoption, she replied, "But I thought you loved them!" Yes! I did and do love them and that is why I placed them for adoption. There is no doubt in my mind that they had/have a much better life than I could have EVER given them.

I do hope with all my heart that, one day, I will see them again. Will they ever understand? I don't know, but Brittanie and Mathew will FOREVER be in my heart and I want them to know that I love them.

Mathew and Brittanie......I love you both more than you will ever know and I know in my heart that you are two wonderful, happy, vibrant teenagers. I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me for the pain you both suffered early in life, although I will never forgive myself. God gave me the strength to move forward when I had no reason to. God had a plan when he blessed me with you both and, in turn, He blessed your adoptive parents as well!

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