My Christmas Miracle

To The Angels who never gave up .... Nine years ago I never thought I'd live in this moment. In fact, last week I never dreamed this would happen. It was a long shot, asking someone to try again to do what I could not; find my son. So many wonderful search angels on-line had tried ... but we failed every time. What would make this try successful? What hope, if any, did I have left?

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But Susan Lillard was different. An adoptee whose lived a life most of us cannot imagine. After only being reunited with her birthmother for one year, she attended her funeral to say good-bye. Susan was mistreated and abused as an adoptee and was told lies and secrets were kept from her all her life. So when we made contact, we immediately felt a bond. A bond .... because each of us had felt betrayed and hurt for so many years.

I gave Susan the information that I had. My son's last name and his parents names. And the only other thing I had was that I thought they lived somewhere in Oklahoma.

Three days later .... after searching and looking and fighting and crying for 10 years .... Susan called and told me the words I'd only dreamt of ... "I found your son."

For those of you who know my story, you know just what this means to me. Immediately after I got off the phone with Susan I fell to my knees and I cried and thanked God. I will always wonder why it took until now to find him ... why after 10 years in just one moment God opened up the Heavens and shone light on Oklahoma.

It has been several days since I got the news. I've stood over my phone for hours on end ... wondering what to do. I've sat here at my computer and all I can type is, "Dear Jonothan ..." but I just stare at the screen and I cry.

I finally know where my son is ... and there can be no greater gift for Christmas. I wonder, as I write this, how he would feel if I did pick up that phone and call him. I wonder, as I shake and shiver at my keyboard, if there is anything I could write that would truly say how I feel.

So for now ... I write this to you. To share my joy and to share this miracle God' granted me. You have all been so supportive and so loving and so kind, and I wanted to say thank you ... for keeping my hope alive.

I will turn my computer off for now ... and I will leave the phone alone. I think I'll go ahead and write a different kind of letter this year to put into my son's stocking. I think I'll look over the last 9 years of gifts and letters and pictures I have saved for him. I'm going to go put on my fleece pajama's and make a pot of hot coffee ... and I'm going to cuddle up with Amanda and begin to tell her ....

... We found your brother.

And when I go to sleep tonight .... when I dream of him as always .... this time I will have a home and a town to find him in. And tonight, in this dream .... he will be there.

Thank you, my dearest Susan ... for finding my son. And thank you ... to each and every one of you who have supported and loved me through this journey I am on.

Merry Christmas to all ....

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