My Son Searched and Changed His Mind?

In 1968 I was 16, in Grade 11, living in a small town and gave birth to a baby boy. Given the times, there was no choice but to give him up for adoption. I wrote him a letter and bought a zodiac for him but the social worker said she couldn't take the envelope, it would get lost in the file and besides, I'd never ever see him again - he was dead for all intents and purposes. In October, 2001 I received a letter from CAS - they had info that needed to be confirmed. I knew what the info was. I made the call.

Two weeks later I decided to allow non-identifying contact. His letters were wonderful - he seemed to be happy, married, no kids but a terrific wife, and had accomplished much considering his adoption had broken down when he was 14 and he had been made a Crown Ward again at the age of 16. He had wanted to search for me at 14 but could not - he began his search as soon as he turned 18 and it took 14 YEARS! He never gave up! The last letter he wrote said "I find a walk in the woods to be one of the most gratifying things in life" - I knew I had to meet my son as all during my pregnancy with him, I'd walked in the woods and hiked, singing to him, reading to him and telling him all I hoped his life would be. I called, got voice mail, left a message. Three hours later he hadn't returned my call - I called again. Voice mail again - I left another message. At 11:30 pm, I went to bed, the tears falling so hard and heave...At 12:03 am the phone rang - he'd been out, his wife had been on the phone and forgotten to check for messages! I was absolutely and totally ecstatic. We talked until 4 am. We talked daily after that. Five weeks later I travelled the 6 hours to meet him. Our first 3 metings we were surrounded by others, no chance to be alone.There was so much I wanted to say to him, to let him know but we were surrounded. The 4th time, we had some time on our own. He asked me about the circumstances of his birth - I remember talking, crying a lot - I'd never ever spoken of it before. I gave him a medal that had been my father's - my son seemed pleased, I thought perhaps the ice was broken but my last day there was strained too. When I returne home, he didn't call - told me not to make demands on his time, that he was very busy. I sent him jokes every week, verses - he'd never say whether he enjoyed any of it or not. I thought perhaps his wife was having difficulty now that this whole thing was reality - she said not. I travelled down again a few months later with a niece. He wouldn't be alone with me, his wife seemed different too. I asked him by mail and by phone what I was doing wrong - no answer. At Easter I visited my daughter again and called him - he said his wife was used to having him to herself and he had to live with her so....I took that to be a blow away. A week later, my daughter said it might not have been (she'd been talking to them) I called him, he said I may have mistaken the message but he wanted nothing further to do with me, don't write, don't phone. By his own admission he was a hothead so I cried for a month. I called - he said he'd told me not to call or write, he'd meant it and thank you very much. I'd sent him a card - he returned it marked "moved" and he'd called the police to have me charged with stalking! It's now been almost 8 weeks. My daughter has severed ties with him because when her boyfriend went to his office to drop off some things he created a scene. My mother still wants to meet him but he's not yet responded to the note she sent a few weeks back. I've been under medical care for over 6 weeks now. I'm usually a very strong person but this has laid me flat....who would he search for 14 years and then close the door without even giving me a hint as to why????

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