Not An Easy Task

Hello. I would like to take the time to thank Adoption Forum. It was your site that brought me in touch with 5 siblings and a father that I had not seen in 32 years. I have not met my siblings to date but just spent the weekend with my birth father and his new family, and my grandmother who's health is failing. She was so happy to see me.

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All of this is so overwhelming. I have been home a week now and the uncertainty of what I will allow to happen next sits over my phone like a cloud over Pikes Peak. You cannot clearly see either way. I am a grown, professional woman with a stable relationship and 5 wonderful children. Where did all this animosity come from? Feelings that normally do not have a place in my life. Others need to know that meeting a birth parent has 24 hours of excitement then you must face reality. Why were you separated? Both birth parents have a different story and you must be the mediator of reality. Not an easy task!!

In my situation my parents are in their sixties and a lot of sympathy goes to them. They will not be around forever, and I have already lost 32 years. What am I willing to sacrifice to have a relationship? And do I really want them in my life? Do I want my children exposed to 2 people who have lied, manipulated each other, spent time in prison and even lie to me as an adult? Is God that strong?

I am not sure if I have enough forgiveness in my heart to move on. I am still a 6-year-old little girl whose dad left. I was raised by a man whom my mother married that would have nothing to do with his own children so you can only imagine how hateful my childhood was. VC Andrews "Children of Attic" is an easy form of my life growing up.

So here I am. 37. Set in life. Responsible. Knowledgeable. Respected in my community. Mother. Home owner. Pet owner. Sister. Daughter. VERY UNSURE of my life as I used to know it. One piece of information has changed my entire existence on the earth. Where do I go from here? To the next day. One day at a time and people need to know there is no right or wrong answer to their feelings. FEELINGS ARE FEELINGS THEY JUST ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Open your mind because it will be full. Make no on the spot decisions. Write on a piece of paper two columns pro's and con's and look at it every day and add to or take away from your list and make an informed decision cause this too changes your life, daily!!!

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