Tell Them
e-mail
I am an adult adoptee who was found by my birth mother when I was 32 years old. I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 18 years old. A family friend who had left the town we lived in for ten years and recently returned told me. I was driving down the freeway as we were coming home from a shopping trip when I got the shock of my life! This friend asked me if I was ever going to search for my birth family.
At first, I didn't think I heard her right and asked her to repeat what she had just said.
She exclaimed "Oh my God; they never told you!"
My adoptive family had never told me all those years that I had been adopted. I was in a state of shock for some time. It really 'rocked my world' and made me question so many things about my life. I had always been different in so many ways from my adoptive family: looks, personality, emotions, and even ways that I viewed life in general. In my early teens, I battled with mental illness when there was not much known about it like there is now.
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with adolescent depression, which was partially correct, but so much more seemed to be going on inside me. After my birth mother located me, I found out that depression, anxiety and panic disorder runs in my family.
At age 38, last year, I was finally diagnosed correctly and put on medication. I have never felt better in my life. I feel normal now!
Anyway, the point in all this is that I believe it would have helped me to know as I was growing up that I was adopted. I think it would have cushioned the blow of finding out from a friend at age 18, instead of my parents telling me all along. Also, there would have been the possibility that my adoption records could have been opened and my birth mother found when I was suffering so much from mental illness. She could have given information on family medical history.
I just think it's so important for adoptive parents to really do some soul searching and ask themselves if they want to be the ones to tell their child that they were chosen or if they want them to find out from someone else.
Share your story and read more stories.
