Telling David

We have four adopted children, currently 13, 10, 8 & 5. The youngest 5 year old (David) is a unique situation. We brought David into our home at the age of 2 1/2 from the county as foster parents with the thought of adopting him. After 8 months, we got a call from the county that his birth mother just delivered another baby and they asked if we would take that sibling into our home. We obviously could not refuse ........

Now let me back up a bit:.......

The birth mother was currently 19 years old. She had been given standard weekly visits to see David from the time he was taken away and placed in our home. The mother's and the county's hopes were that a life style change would transpire and allow a permanent reunion back with her son after proving she could properly take care of David. David was originally taken away due to drug and reported physical abuse.

The birth mother did come to the majority of her weekly visits with David at the county office; however time passed and she was not capable of proving herself as making a turn around. The court decided to stop her visitations. We were now waiting on a court date for permanent adoption.

Approximately 2 months later we got a call from the county that the birth mother delivered another baby in a local hospital. This was a total surprise to the case workers because the birth mother was secretly caring the baby. At the hospital, apparently through the computer system, the nurses discovered the mother had another child in the foster care system. Apparently there is a law in our county that a mother cannot keep a child when another child is in the process of being removed. Hence, the new infant was sorrowfully removed from the birth mother and brought to our house at 3 days old.

The infant (Joey), lived with us for 1 year total. During that time, Joey really became part of the family, as well as did David. We knew it was only time to adopt David and were beginning to believe we would be adopting Joey in due time as well. We never discussed with young David (about 3 1/2) or the other kids, other than the oldest, that Joey was David's real brother. Not that we wanted to keep a secret, only that this was very complicated to young minds.

Well over time, the birth mother was apparently getting her life in order. She earned successful weekly visitations with Joey at the county office. We began to realize after 11 months that Joey may be reunited with his birth mom, and that is exactly what happened. It was about 1 year to the day we brought Joey into our home that he left to be reunited with his mom. Ironically three days later we went to court and permanently adopted David. It was the worst and the best of times for all involved.

Question :
David is a bright 5 year old. He knows he is adopted. We have many pictures and a years worth of home movies with Joey and the kids. How and when do we tell David that Joey is his brother? Joey's name is brought up from time to time in the house amongst the kids in a very loving way. We still keep a picture of Joey and the kids on the refrigerator. My wife and I have discussed telling David but have been advised to wait longer until he is more mature and very secure in his surroundings. I truly believe that some day when David gets older, he will want to see his brother and perhaps his birth mother again.

Any thoughts would be appreciated .Thanks.

Sincerely, Pete

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