The Day the Bleeding Stopped

There are days we always remember. I remember the joyous birth of my 2 children like it was yesterday. But I also remember the birth of my other child, so long ago. The day my heart was ripped in 2 as I signed the papers and kissed him goodbye, begging him not to hate me. A wound that would never heal, no matter what successes or joys that I went on to have in my adult life. The told me I would forget. They told me I would have my own children and be happy some day.

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They lied. Every birthday that passed was like tearing off the scab. Mothers day (even when I finally got to be Mommy) was a day of mourning for me. Because ironically, cruelly, that was the day I left the hospital. Leaving the hospital with nothing but the scars of childbirth and the abrasions on my wrists from the restraints they put me in when I dared sneak down to the nursery for one more peek after I had already signed the papers. This year his birthday came again and I decided to do something instead of weep and hide from the world. I logged on. I posted. I registered. Every place I could possibly find. A few days later, an e-mail from a total stranger (God Bless you Sheree!!) A possible address. I sent the letter. And waited. Praise God I did not wait long. There it was! An e-mail from my son. He was so happy to hear from me! For the next 2 months, e-mails, phone calls, getting to know each other. My family says they have never seen me so happy. And then it happened! July 28, 2002. The day my gorgeous loving son came up my stairs, ran into my arms, told me he loved me and changed my life forever. Juy 28, 2002...The Day the Bleeding Stopped.

To all those searching, hurting, wondering...Dont ever give up! To all those birthmothers out there in despair, hold on! Someday your bleeding may stop too. There were many times I looked at the scars on my wrists and considered finishing the job, but God gave me strength so I could live to see July 28, 2002

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