The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

Hi, my name is Whitney, and I am 17 years old. I just gave my son up for adoption. I had him on June 26, 2003 at 10:18 am; he was 8lbs 12oz and 21in long. He was a big boy, and he had a head full of hair. But the reason I gave my son up for adoption is because I thought that it was the best thing for me and for my son.

But I am going to tell you the truth, that is the hardest thing that I have ever done, and I will never do it again. My mother also told me that it was the best thing for my son, and she also told me that I had to give him up for adoption. So I really had no choice. Well, I did; I could have kept him, but my mother told me that she was going to kick me out if I did. That meant that I was not going to have a place to live and take care of my son.

I know that there are places that I could have gone and people that could have helped me, but that is not (what I) wanted for my son. I wanted him to grow up with his family and with his mother and to be with the people that I thought were going to love him. But it turns out that no one loved him but me. My mother, the one that made me give him up for adoption, was there with me when I had my son. She was crying, and at the end she felt bad about what she was making me do.

Then the last day that I was in the hospital with my son is the day that I signed the adoption papers. It took me three hours just to get through the basic papers, and then it took me another three hours to sign the paper that gave up my rights to my son. When she handed me the paper, she told me that once I signed this paper that I could not change my mind. Well that did not make it any easier. That is the hardest thing that I have ever done, and now I get to pay for it. When my son starts to walk, talk, crawl,, when he says his first word "mommy," he will not be saying it to me.

The only thing that I am worried about is that when he gets older he will not want to see me or have anything to do with me. I do not want that. I do not want him to find out that he is adopted and be upset with me. I want to be in his life, and I want him to be in mine.

Share your story and read more stories.